Day 31

"Me and my shadow

We're closer than pages that stick in a book

We're closer than ripples that play in a brook

Strolling down the avenue

Wherever you find him, you'll find me, just look

Closer than a miser or the bloodhound's to Liza

Me and my shadow"

-- Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr

Shadows are the images created by the absence of light. They are the negative space. Shadows can scare us -- especially in dim light and spooky circumstances. Shadows can comfort us -- provide cooling shade under a tree or umbrella. Shadows can entertain us -- who hasn't giggled when making shadow hand creatures on the wall? Shadows can be useful -- telling us the time with a sundial. And shadows can be beautiful -- like the spectacular occurrence of a lunar or solar eclipse or the simple beauty of dappled light through the leaves of a tree. Shadows are with us always, but often unnoticed -- as much in life often is.

Day 30

"Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism." -- Leo Buscaglia

Today I really need a hug. I feel like an awful Mom. That somehow I am missing that Mother-Knows-Best sensor the hospital implants when your baby is born. My Darling Daughter has been struggling with coughing issues at school. It has been a hard road these last few months, lots of trips to doctors, needles, tears and fears, frustrations with the teacher (the coughing is far far worse at school while almost non-existent at home), but it seemed like we had finally gotten through it, finally figured out that she has some severe pollen allergies, meaning winter is a bad time of year for her since we live in the desert, meaning that there is probably some specific plant near or at school that she has a problem with. We had tried several samples of drugs and I decided on a set that I thought were helping the most, were best. She has been on the medications for a month or so now and the coughing issues at school seem much improved. Well, last night I figured out that the stomach aches she has been complaining about more and more as time goes on are most likely a side effect of one the new drugs. Needless to say, no more Singulair for her. I feel like I somehow should have just known, or clued in on the link sooner. I had passed off the stomach aches, at first, as just growing lots of late and being hungry all the time (she's been eating me out of house and home!). But as they got slowly worse and more frequent, I started to think maybe there was something there, but even Dad thought she might just be overly whiny, she is like that -- a bit of hypochondriac, theatrical, especially regarding pain or discomfort. I finally decided we would go to the doctor. Then, somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought about the timing of the drugs and the stomach aches....I should have known, I should have trusted her complaints more. Oh, I tell myself, it's OK, you made the connection in only a month or so (some posts on the web indicated kids went 6 months to a year with pains before the connection was made), but I still feel awful, like a bad mom, like somehow I failed. So today, I really need a hug.

Day 29

"Always leave enough room in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, or even joyous." -- Paul Hawken

I have lots of little hobbies -- these are things that I make time for, that bring me joy. I like them all for different reasons and while there isn't one I can't live without, I think it is that creative outlet that I need, that I have to make time for.

• knitting -- this is very portable. I restarted knitting last year as I found my self entering the era of soccer practices and swim lessons and wanted something I could do while waiting/watching DD. I am a very slow knitter though and oddly enough have never made something for myself -- always gifts, mainly baby blanket for others.
  
• quilting -- my mother got me hooked on quilting, but I find it to be a long process from start to finish and while I make the pretty tops fine I am not very good at the actual quilting part and too cheap to send mine out to quilted by a professional. I figure of have lots of time to explore this hobby.
  
• photography -- well this is something I have started to get into again. I took lots of picture when we lived of abroad -- of our travels, but sorta gave up as, even with kids, I was just uninspired once back here in the USA. I feel inspired once again! Thanks 365!
• stamping -- for me this is mainly card making. I like that the projects are small so that within a sitting I can be done from start to finish -- I need that sometimes, to be done.
  
• beading -- I recently took this up after a Moms Night Out at a local bead shop. I like this for the same reason I like stamping -- the projects are small and completable and oh so pretty. Oddly enough, most of the pieces I make are for me!!
  
• cooking -- I love to cook. While this is a daily necessity as I am the main meal maker, it is also an activity that relaxes me and brings me much joy. I like to try new things as well as perfect those family staples (like my Chicken Paprika -- while it's not Grandma's, it is pretty darn good!)
  
• traveling -- not something we can afford to do much of these days. But I love to see new places -- new sights, and sounds, and smells and tastes -- just to sneak a peak at a different way of life.
  

Day 28

"Here's looking at you, kid" -- Casablanca

I Am

I am my past and present, my joys and sorrows, my ups and down
I wonder what the future holds, what trials are yet to come
I hear the sounds of angels in my children's voices
I see gossamer wings in their fairy dances
I want to hold them close to me forever, yet
I know I have to let them go, let them grow, let them be

I am mother, sister, teacher, friend and lover
I pretend sometimes to be more confident than I am, yet
I feel at harmony with the person that is me
I touch my face and feels wrinkles and roughness, a person older than I feel
I worry a little about aging gracefully and think it will be hard
I cry for love ones who have passed, lost chances to say goodbye

I am the two halves of my parents, melded together, and yet
I understand that I am so much more
I savor today and look forward to tomorrow
I dream of open spaces, green fields and foreign places
I try to be good to others as well as myself
I hope for a life well balanced and filled with happiness
I am the chooser and the chosen, I am....me

-- Written By Me

Twitterings: How to write an I Am poem

Day 27

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do you feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" -- Dirty Harry

Today my grandmother, GiGi for great-grandma to the kids, was supposed to come over visit. Unfortunately, due to the rain and a fear of slipping, she decided to stay home. None the less, while pondering luck for the second time this week my thoughts kept coming back to her. She is an amazing woman. She is in her 90s and very spry -- she swims everyday, likes to knit, and just generally gets around wonderfully. Her brain is still sharp and in getting to her know better over the past several years I have discovered she is probably more progressive and down to earth than I had ever realized. On more than one occasion, she has told me how these are the days her and my grandfather had hoped to see -- to be lucky enough to play and hold and love her great children, to see a fourth generation brings her great joy. My grandfather, her husband, over a year ago of Alzheimer's -- a very sad way to shave a loved one pass. Her sister, my Great Aunt, passed not even a year ago, after living for more than a decade with frail health and constant dizziness. Two years ago, my other grandmother, sadly died suddenly not long after moving to this state to be near her great-grandchildren. So, I suppose, I hope to be as lucky as my grandmother -- to live to a ripe old age, to be healthy in mind, body and spirit at that old age, and to be near my grandchildren so that I too can enjoy the generations yet to come.

Twitterings: Since GiGi wasn't able to visit, I have used a generational photo from this summer. She loves taking these photos! I, of course, am behind the camera...hopefully I'll get a more recent shot when I see her next week.

Day 26

"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow." -- To Have and Have Not

Anna's shot makes me think of puckering and the fact that I probably would never have thought of lipstick. Kisses, fish, and lemons immediately come to my mind. The quote also makes me think of whistling and then blowing -- maybe, again, a kiss, or on sand, or a dandelion, or to make bubbles, or perhaps to put out a candle -- the list could go on and on I think. Finally I am led full circle and back to lips and lipstick and settle on easy mirror trick. The creative process -- a fantastic journey -- any of these shots would be fun -- so many ideas, so little time!

Day 25

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." -- Forrest Gump

Around here, DH and I always say that we are 'bobbers' -- bobbing along on the river life -- managing to maneuver, so far successfully, around whatever life throws at us, but still being swept along by it's current only making minor adjustments in the direction we happen to going. For the most part I think this sentiment is true for us -- we have been fortunate in our decisions and our opportunities. Oh I am sure talent and foresight had a little something to do with it, but we are not 'movers and shakers' that go out and make things happen. We are more laid back than that. We just are not planners, in fact just the other day I told DH that, while I was very happy and content, at the same time I also felt a bit sedentary, adrift. I told him I thought it was because we did not have any real goals at the moment -- is this it? what do we want in life? is this the house for us forever? are we going to stay here in the desert forever? (I have always envisioned more green in my dreams yet I have no urge to move on) do we want to travel more, show our kids the world? I suppose maybe the river of life has dumped us into a placid pond where everything is peaceful and balanced. Maybe it's not a bad thing to just sit and bob here for awhile enjoying the view.....

Twitterings: Today I just tried and mimic some of Anna B.'s great portrait shots -- boy was that hard!! But I got this shot that I like, and I didn't crop it or anything! Yipee!

Day 24

"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." -- Pride of the Yankees

Everyday I feel immensely lucky to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom. Lady Luck has allowed me to have the choice to work or stay at home. I feel like our children are at our sides for such a fleeting time -- at one moment a newborn in our arms, where are we are their whole world, and the next being dropped off for their first day of school, where so many other influences come into play. It was an easy (emotional) decision to delay my career until my children were off in school full time. I feel extremely lucky to have the choice. I feel immeasurably lucky to have the time. I try to soak up and savor all the moments and memories and, if I remain lucky, I will be able to still recall them all when I am old and gray and holding my grand-babies in my arms. (knock of wood)

Twitterings: Another bad photo made decent with photo editing tricks. I just couldn't get this shot! Oh well.

Day 23

"All Right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." -- Sunset Boulevard

This was a fun shot. I got out my husband's birding tripod and played in front of the camera -- boy do I have some bad angles! I think in the short month I have been doing the challenge, I have gotten better at being in front of the camera -- better smiles and angles -- and far less fear to just be spontaneous! Thanks Anna B.!

Twitterings: I still can't figure out that aperture/F-stop photo tip that gives you the great out-of-focus background. I just have a little Canon Elph, but it says I can control the Aperture, yet all the pics come out looking pretty much the same, with the background in focus. I'm boggled!

Day 22

"There is no place like home." -- The Wizard of Oz

I really like my home. Oh sure, part of me would love to upgrade, live more posh, but my home definitely reflects me.

Inside it is roomy, but practical. It is largely undecorated -- ever so slowly it is getting done (last year we finished painting all the walls), but decorating is just not my thing -- I am not good at it and when I go to look at artwork for the walls I want things that I just love, and that is hard to find. My den is now my craft room, my front room is now the den and our formal dining area now houses our new pool table. Again, my practical side -- our formal dining and living area were virtually unused until we made those changes last year. Overall I like it and am certainly more please that we are now using all the areas of the house. The kids room are decorated in fun colors. I love the ladybugs I painted on the walls of the playroom -- it looks so fun and bright and girlie! I have more fun decorating plans for the kids areas, I just need to make the time to implement them!

The outside is great -- it is large and full of fairly mature plants and trees. We have a side yard in which we put in grass and more recently a huge kid-fantastic playground -- which of course they love! We have a BBQ and pool which I am sure we will use more and more as the kids grow up. We also have a few fruit trees (orange and grapefruit). My husband has bird feeders and watering stations all over -- so there are always lots of birds to watch -- hummers, wrens and often more unusual ones (hawks, phoebes and such).

Our neighborhood is the icing on the cake -- our cul-de-sac is fun -- there are lots of kids and we often all just hang out. It is so wonderful to have neighbors that are great friends too -- something we have never been lucky enough to have. We also live in a MasterPlanned community -- that has so many benefits -- there is a small gym for residents as well as classes (dance, music, karate, T-Ball, etc) for the kids. We have a two lovely lakes to walk around, several great playgrounds, and a great pool area for kids & teen in the summer. The community also hosts lots of events for the family -- Holiday Festivals, monthly Farmers & Art Market, Movies on the Lawn, Special Orchestra and Ballet Under the Star nights. So much to do at our fingertips!

I have a hard time imaging a situation, other than a change in job (i.e. location), that would lead us to another home. For now, we are here and we love it!

Day 21

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz


It's kinda funny. I make sure my kids eat right and our dinners are pretty well balanced, but probably overall, my own daily diet is not that great.

• I pretty much skip breakfast (just coffee and maybe a small sweet or the odd piece of fruit). I know, I know -- breakfast is the most important part of the day -- but it is a habit I have had since High School and one I have tried to break more than once.
• I do much better with lunch -- several months ago I started to juice (thanks to a friend). I have grown to really like it. Probably 5 out of 7 days a week, I juice some fruit and veg for lunch. I pair the juice with some leftovers, salad or sandwich. Overall generally healthy. I have noticed that on days I juice I tend to not to crave afternoon snacks -- I have no idea why -- maybe just that boost of vitamins or maybe it is just in my mind -- either way, it helps me be more healthy.
• I try not to snack and most days I achieve that goal. I used to drink a daily Dr Pepper, but have given that up (6 months now) and feel much better for it. Oh still I have the occasional Dr. P -- but I do not have that daily dependence on it I once had. My snacking downfalls are Cool Ranch Doritos dipped in Sour Cream -- I can't even have them in the house! I also love Girls Scout Tag-Alongs -- that oh so creamy peanut butter -- thank goodness they come only once a year!
• Dinner - well I make dinner and I must say that I cook what I like to eat. The meals themselves are pretty well balanced, just too yummy, so, more often than not, I eat too much! Oh well, I guess that is why I go to the gym -- so that I can eat what I want, when I want -- in moderation of course :)

Day 20

A laugh is a smile that bursts." -- Mary H. Waldrip
My children keep me happy, keep me smiling, keep me laughing, everyday.

There are lives
I can imagine
without children
but none of them
have the same
laughter & noise.

from The StoryPeople by Brian Andreas
(One of my favorites)

Day 19

"Look closely. The beautiful may be small." -- Emmanuel Kant

Beauty. It lies around us everyday -- not only in the grand things we immediately notice, but in the small, simple things -- the things we forget to take time to notice. So what beautiful things did I notice today?

• The color of my children's eyes -- one blue, like her dad, and the other's, I still think changing, to be more like mine.
• The simple joy of holding my husband's hand -- warm and familiar -- still a perfect fit.
• The doting look of my dog -- what animal loves you more than it loves itself?
• The warmth of the winter sun on my face -- promises of spring.
• The sweetness of an orange from my backyard tree -- they smell divine and taste even better!
• The giggles of my girls while they play with their dad -- that always makes me smile.
• A yellow swallowtail resting in our front yard tree -- nature at it's best.
• The sleeping faces of my children -- they look so relaxed and peaceful. Sometimes I like to just stop and watch them and hope to remember that quiet moment for the rest of my life.

Day 18

"We all need time to be alone, to think, to dream, to wonder." -- Billie Roark
Alone? What is alone? I can't even pee alone these days! I think the only time I am alone is in the shower (and sometimes not even then) or working out at the gym (kids in childcare). It is hard enough to create a little me time, to sew or read or whatever, much less precious alone-time. There is always someone else's needs or wants to tend to. I had not really noticed how much alone-time was missing until my husband started traveling more for work. Suddenly, after the kids went to bed I had several hours to myself -- to do what I wanted without little hands hanging all over me. It was really nice. I know though, that soon enough, those little ones will be more grown and in search of their own alone time, non-mom-time. What will I do then? Probably crave for the days when they were right there by my side all the time.

Day 17

"Imagination is the highest kite you can fly." -- Lauren Bacall

I would not say that I am an imaginative person. Creative, somewhat, but not necessarily imaginative. Although, with small kids, their fantastic imagination often helps to spark my own. I often marvel at how easily my children can create fantasy worlds and stories out of anything -- a plain cardboard box becomes a soaring jet plane or a tent made from a sheet draped over the table becomes a cave in Africa. I like to help them create realistic props to make their imaginative world come more to life -- like drawing on the box and cutting out windows and doors to make it look more like the apartment their stuffed animals are living in....It's amazing as well to watch my children with a friend, of perhaps the other sex or a different temperament, and see how they meld their imaginations together. I remember once watching my daughter play "farm animals in trouble" -- she was playing with her animals on the farmstead while her slightly older (male) cousin attacked the farm with dinosaurs and bombs -- they had somehow managed to find common ground and were both enjoying themselves immensely. It makes me a little sad to realize that I have lost that imaginative streak, but I am glad that my children have more than enough to share with me -- it keeps me young at heart.

Day 16

"You, whose day it is, get out your rainbow colors and make it beautiful." -- Traditional Nootka Song

My husband tends our garden. Every winter he plants several pots full of these colorful flowers and then deposits the pots throughout the front and back yards. He takes very good care of them -- waters them individually, covers them when there might be frost, and discourages the kids from picking the flowers (a hard task). The flower pots provide a wonderful pop of color on a backdrop of desert browns and greens. They are a little cheerful rainbow that welcomes me home when I drive up. I will miss them when summer comes and gets too hot for them to survive -- but maybe their fleeting splendor makes them even more beautiful.

Day 15

"Make rest and refreshment a necessity, not a luxury." -- Dan Zadra

Rest and refreshment -- I suppose they linger somewhere between necessity and luxury for me.

Rest -- I need lots of it to function happily -- 8 hours a night does me right. We bought a new mattress 2 years ago -- a high end one that cost me more than I like to admit, but I must say I absolutely love it! I lie on it every night and feel like I am floating on a cloud. I love it, love it, love it. (I also wake up without that morning backache -- which is fabulous!)

Refreshment -- I like to eat and to cook, and especially to eat what I cook. Just the other night I made Mole that was delish! My husband often claims he'd rather eat in, than out. I agree.

After the dishes are done and the kids to bed, that is when I usually get a to unwind a little bit -- I usually put my feet up on the sofa with a glass of wine (or beer or whatever) in hand and watch some mindless TV, or play a video game, or read a magazine. This little routine should be a necessity, not a luxury -- but that isn't always so.

Day 14

"Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work." -- Bette Davis

It always seems like I am sooo busy -- but there are few things that I try to do that greatly improve my day:

• Tidy up the house the night before. After the kids are down, I try to go around and make sure everything is put away, any last loads of laundry folded and put away, the kitchen counters are clean and the floor hopefully (somewhat) swept. Why start tomorrow already behind?
• Prepare everything I need for the next day -- clothes to wear, the school bag packed, lunches made, items ready for whatever I am doing (gym bag, store returns ready, snacks & diapers). Very geekish, but our morning goes so much smoother resulting in a happier me.
• Tomorrow's To-Do List done, before I go to bed. While the list often has far more on it than I can truly achieve, it helps to keep me focused throughout the following day on what I need to do and where I need to be.

I don't manage to these things every day, not even most days...but when I do manage to make the effort, my next day is definitely far improved!

Twitterings: Wow, isn't it cool what a little photo editing magic can do to a bad picture? At my request, DD took this of me at swim lesson -- but I was small and blurry -- what more can I expect from a 6 year old?

Day 13

"When in doubt, take a bath." -- Mae West


Baths! I love Baths! I just don't seem take them much anymore since DD#2-- no time I suppose. I love how they envelope you in warmth and wash the grime and stress of the day away. The best baths are long -- with a good book (or crossword or sudoku) and a glass of wine (I have my own special plastic wine bath glass, as I've broken several at tub time). A little special pampering is often in order too -- I have a basket by the tub filled with mud masks, hair conditioners packs, and various scrubs to use. I love just lingering and linger and lingering, like time is of no concern. Ahhhhh. When finally ready, getting out is good too -- wrapping myself up in my big white fluffy bathrobe (gift from DH), slathering myself with body butter and slipping into PJ's for bed -- it's like coming out renewed and rejuvenated -- ready to face whatever tomorrow will bring!

Day 12

Savor life's tiny delights -- a crackling fire, a glorious sunset, a hug from a child, a walk with a friend, a cup of soup, a kiss behind the ear. -- John Anthony
Today, I chronicled all my tiny delights:

• Early AM, I kiss my little one while snuggling in bed, she looks at me sleepily and says "Luv you too"
• The taste of fresh hot coffee first thing in the morning -- all the better when DH brings it to me!
• Baking cookies with my two little helpers.
• Watching the girls play with each other.
• My little one hop-skip-dancing on her way to everywhere.
• Watching the girls dig up grubs with their Dad in the backyard.
• Savoring the freedom to do a little shopping by myself (DH has the kids for the afternoon)
• Seeing my sister rub her pregnant belly -- how special it is to see her pregnant this time (last time I was living abroad).
• Being with the women of my family for my Sisters Baby Shower.
• Welcome Home Hugs from everyone! (including hubby)
  
• Goodnight songs and kisses -- a nightly ritual.
• Snuggling with DH on the couch after the kids are down for the night
• Sleeping in my bed -- I love my mattress!!

Day 11

Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts -- Anonymous


I've always thought of families like granola -- a little bit of fruit and nuts mixed with honey and then toasted for wholesome goodness! Families are fun -- what would we do without all those little idiosyncrasies to laugh about. At family dinners, I love to sometimes just sit back and listen to all the joking that goes on. It makes me smile. I lived abroad when our oldest DD was born. Over the first year of her life I really yearned to be back home -- closer to family. When I look back on my own childhood, it is filled with memories of Sunday dinners with Grandma and visits to other relative further afield. Being abroad, I felt like my child was growing up without this connection. Unfortunately, the two sides of the family live on different sides of the country, so we had to settle to be near one or other -- DH's job decided that. While I am so glad to be near, that my children better know their Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents and GiGi's, I do still often wish it were more. So often it is easy to get wrapped in our lives and to dos. I do my best and I guess that is all I can do. Unexpectedly though, I have found that my bond with my own siblings (two sisters and a brother) has grown much stronger. Maybe that is because we are all adults now, maybe because of similar shared experiences -- college, marriage, kids -- but mainly, I think, because of proximity, more time together. I'll treasure that forever!

Twitterings: This pic was actually taken on the 12th at my Sister's (middle) Baby Shower -- we are expecting to grow by another little girl next month! I'm hoping my new niece arrives on Valentine's Day :)

Day 10

The eyes are the windows to the soul. (English Proverb)


We see everything in our world through our eyes. They take in all the unbiased information that is our world and then we color it with our soul, our inner self. Two people can look at the same painting -- one love it, the other hate it. Two people can be dealt a streak of bad luck, one take it on as a challenge, the other wallow in self pity. Two people can see someone in trouble, one stop to help, the other walk on by. So how do I view my world? Is the glass half empty, or half full? I think for the most part I am a positive person and I try to follow that do-unto-others-as-you would-like-done-to-you rule you learn as a child. I think when bad things happen, I do a decent job at staying calm, rational and on the brighter side. When problems creep up, I don't think I spend too much time spreading the blame, but manage to try and find solutions instead. I know that when someone needs help, I am and will always do my best to be there -- not only does it bring my joy to help someone out when they really need it, but I suppose I also feel that I need to pay-it-forward as so many people have been wonderfully helpful to me throughout my life. I certainly am pessimistic when it comes to financial issues (or is tightwad a better word?). I also am not a very confrontational person -- although when I get mad enough to be confrontational, watch out! I suppose the good thing is that overall there are not very many instances in my life when I wish I had chosen to do something drastically different. So how do I view my world? I like the view from my window -- draw the drapes and let the sun shine in!

Here is a related quote I like:

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Day 9

"Take time every day to do something ridiculous." -- Philipa Walker


I took this opportunity to get silly with the kids. We broke out the Halloween face paints and went CRAZY! It was so much fun -- lots of giggling and silly antics! Certainly a side of me that doesn't show it's face very often -- perhaps I can work on changing that. ;o)

Day 8

"The best color in the world,
is the one that looks good, on you!" --Coco Channel

Turquoise

• non-transparent mineral hydrated copper and aluminum phosphate -- CuAl6(PO 4)4(OH)8 4H2O
• mined in Egypt in 6000BC
• means "Turkish" in French (transported from Egypt to Europe via Turkey)
• deposited from circulating waters, occurring exclusively in desert and arid environments

The Navajo believe turquoise is a piece of the sky which has fallen to earth. The Apache think it combines the spirits of the sea and sky to helped warriors and hunters aim accurately. The Zuni believe that turquoise protects them from demons while the Aztecs reserved turquoise for the gods and was not to be worn by mere mortals.

Twitterings: This was a hard picture take by myself! I couldn't seem to figure out quite where my little camera was going to focus. Oh well, I like it none the less.

Day 7

Look back and smile on perils past. --Sir Walter Scott


I look back on my life and it is interesting how you can pinpoints forks in the road where a key event or decision led you in a new direction. Maybe you knew it at the time, maybe you didn't. In high school I got to be an Exchange student to Skopje, in then Yugoslavia, now Macedonia. My trip over there was fantastic -- I was matched up with A Sister and A Family. I saw sights and smells and tastes like never before. I traveled within the country -- seeing beautiful cities, older than I could imagine, many things lasting only in my memories as they have since been destroyed by War. The experience open my eyes to a bigger brighter world. At the end of my stay My Sister got to return with me and stay with me and My Family. Experience my life, our country. Sadly, she did not like it -- besides being homesick and I think she was not prepared for the differences in our worlds. My family and I did our best to make her feel at home -- with similar foods and routines as well as a host of new experiences to live and places to see. In the end I do not think she was flexible enough to bend and enjoy Capitalist America and all that that meant. We were only 16 after all. Sadly, she asked to move out of our house and stay elsewhere. This was heartbreakingly crushing for me -- I did not want to carry on with the group activities, with the other Brother and Sister pairings. I did not want to see or talk to her ever again. I felt insulted, angry, hurt. But my mother said we had a responsibility to see it through. So I did. I went to functions and was her sister, as best I could be given the situation, given my age -- introduced her to the Mayor, attended gatherings with her, paid for her trip to the Grand Canyon (where she didn't even get out of the van to look), took her to school with me to meet my teachers and my friends. It was hard, character building. For ages I was mad. Finally now, I can look back and remember the joys of the experience. I can smile. Mainly I see how it led me to life that has spanned the globed, to a viewpoint that, for the most part, throwing governments and politics aside, life is life where ever you are and that people are people everywhere and basically the same, basically nice. I often wonder what happened to my sister. I heard a rumor awhile ago that she had moved and forged a life for herself in London. I wonder how the experience changed her, maybe even prepared her for her choice to depart her home. Hopefully she can look back on the experience, the good, the bad and the ugly and smile too. I wish her well.

Day 6

Hold out your hands to feel the luxury of the sunbeams. --Helen Keller


Despite lots of lotion, my hands are always dry. As always, the nails are clean but unpolished and short. If they get too long, I pick at them when I am nervous or in deep thought. Only when I've been pregnant have they been long and strong and beautiful. Upon my left I wear my wedding ring. We've been talking of getting it updated but I am torn to change it from the one I got on my wedding day. I do prefer silver tones, white gold, which is more trendy today. I also think I would like my girls to have my ring when I am gone -- the center stone for one (to make into another ring or necklace perhaps), two nicer (new) side stones for the other (maybe for earrings or a necklace too). A morbid gift I suppose, but it somehow brings me comfort to know where it will go after I am gone. On the right I wear my Eagle ring, it was a gift from my husband years ago. Recently I have put it back on my middle finger as I could feel it starting to slip off when bathing the kids or swimming at the gym. It is tighter than before but it has been years since I have even been able to wear it there. I love my Eagle ring -- it is Pacific Northwest Indian. It is chunky and maybe a bit out of character for me, which makes me love it all the more. To the Indians, the Eagle is the Master of Skies and is seen as a Messenger to the Creator. To see an Eagle when praying meant your prayers would be heard and answered. A nice thought to carry with you every day. I like my palms. My head line is straight, meaning I am realistic and sensible. My heart line is long, meaning I an very emotional. My life line is smooth and unbroken, meaning I can look forward to a long life. Do I really believe it? Not so, but fairly accurate and fun none-the-less. What do my hands do? Well everything. They cook and clean, they stamp and sew, they give and take. They communicate my anger with a wagging finger, or my love with tender touch. My husband rubs them when they ache and I infrequently pop my knuckles when I am nervous or bored (a habit which I have yet to break although it is so much better now than before). I suppose I take them for granted, but who doesn't really?

Day 5

"I am beautiful no matter what they say." -- Christina Agulera


This quote brings to mind a a turning point in my life, a difficult time. They say beauty isn't skin deep, but the health of your mind, body and spirit are definitely interrelated. Basically awhile back I became hyper aware of all the 'beautiful' people, well women, around me. I think we all know that advertising is full of them -- and of course TV and magazines -- but have you really looked, or counted how many you see in a day? Tons. They are everywhere. Not only that, but I also started to compare myself to the strangers around me -- the cute co-ed on the cell phone outside the tanning salon, or the Barbie-Mom dressed to the nines at the playground with little Ricky. Were her boob real? Are they looking at my unpolished toes? I found myself trying to compete and needless to say, I didn't stack up. For quite awhile I wallowed in my self pity, blamed it on just having had a second child, no fashion sense, defective genes. It was a hard time. Looking back, I'm sure pregnancy hormones and post baby blues probably had at little something to do with it, but either way my deep unhappiness was real. Finally it was something that my husband said that got me thinking. I don't remember his words exactly -- I wish I did -- but their gist was that it wasn't really his responsibility to make me happy with me. He could tell me until he was blue in the face that I was beautiful but the words just fell on deaf ears if I was convinced I wasn't. It was the kick in the rear I needed. I've always been basically happy with my inner me, but I definitely wasn't happy with outer me and it was a wound that bled into all the other portions of my life. So not too long after, the New Year rolled around and I declared it "The Year of Me" -- it was my time to focus on making me happy inside and out. Some of it was pampering, some if was making time for activities I enjoy, but alot of it was getting healthy, losing the weight that had slowly crept on. As result, I feel great -- strong and healthy and I am happy with how I look -- I've fixed what I thought was broke and pretty much accepted the rest. To top it all off, I like my inner me even more -- although nothing has really changed there other than the lens through which I view it is not as clouded as before. I still think we are bombarded with too many 'beautiful people' and the goal to be like them, but it doesn't bother me that much any more. I am a little worried though as I can see the wrinkles setting in. Oddly enough, I kinda look forward to be a cute little old blue haired wrinkled grandma -- it's just the journey to get there that might be hard. Hopefully my newly found more grounded view of myself will aid me in that journey.

Day 4

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are" -- Mary Jean Irion

Today is such an unNORMAL day for me. Christmas still lingers in the house, DH is home from work, DD is still on Holiday Break from school. We have no planned activities (karate, art class, T-ball, going to the gym). We have no schedule, no place we have to be. Everyone has been sleeping late (I got up at 7:20, DH at 7:50, the little one at 8:15, the older one at 9:15). We've been lingering in our PJs until almost noon. Ahh, how I treasure the unNORMALness of today:

I awake in my bed, all snugly and warm. It's after 7, but the light is that heavy dark gray that beckons you to sleep a little longer. My little one is snuggled in bed with me, where she is almost every morning now. I watch her sleep for a bit ... kiss her cheek, stroke her hair. Her word would be MOVEMENT -- she always going and going like the Energizer bunny -- I relish this moment to snuggle with her, enjoy her warmth and adorableness -- I know it's fleeting as they grow up so fast.

It's still early and the house is quiet. DH is out running with the dog and my 6yo is still in slumber land. My 2yo is now up and hanging out with me at the computer. She likes to move her mouse around, just like me, although it's not really attached of course. She starts to sing -- random tunes and words. I can pick out bits and pieces -- Rudolph, words about the potty, her sister ("hey-hey"), princesses ("la-las" after Cinderella). I just smile and savor the sweet melody, the freedom of it.

DH is dressed and brushing his teeth, preparing for our day. I give his cute butt a little squeeze -- it makes me smile, it's makes me feel young, it reminds me that I'm still in love.

It's late morning now and we are all out together running errands. I'm waiting in the van while DH is in the bank. The girls are behind me in their car seats coloring. My Picasso is working on a seascape -- and the little one randomly mentions frogs -- she says "what a great idea" and adds in frogs above the waves. I say she was inspired and she asks what that means -- so we talk about inspiration while she colors on. I love her drawings -- the colors, the themes, the freeness. I love her questions, she's such a sponge soaking up knowledge, soaking up life. I snap a quick pic as I have my camera with me almost always now -- it's stunning -- just like her.

We stop for lunch at Chic-Fil-A. The girls go into the playroom to romp for bit, let off a little steam -- errands are hard and not always so fun. I watch them together -- taking off their shoes, going up the tunnel together, waving at us through the playground window. They make such a cute pair -- a perfect balance: One older, wiser, more reserved. One younger, freer, a bit more reckless. I'm content to stop at two (I think). I can't imagine a life more full.

We are at the doctor's for a well visit. My eldest is nervous about having to get a shot. Unfortunately she asks about it and discovers that yes she needs ones. I would have preferred she not have known until the end, but she's too worried and wouldn't let the topic go -- that's just her nature. When we finally get to the end she is crying, even screaming a bit -- I have to help hold her arm so it doesn't move too much. Thankfully the PA is quick although I know in it's quickness it probably hurts her more. Despite the theatrics and ongoing tears I know she was just afraid, I know she could have truly fought us off, but didn't. Despite her fear she was brave and of that I am proud.

DH is late picking us up from the Doctor -- the cell phone somehow turned itself off after my first two calls. It makes me roll my eyes even now as I write this. For all he is an engineer, he's so un-technical sometimes -- he doesn't carry a cell and actually has mine today just for this purpose. We waited over an hour outside -- I call several times to no avail. I envision him playing at the park with the littlest while 'waiting' for a pick-up call, only to have left the phone in the car.....To pass the time, DD and I stack rocks in little towers, walk around the boring little plaza, sit in the shade and envision what Daddy and Sister are up to. Finally thirsty and needing a bathroom we start to walk down the street to a different Chik-Fil-A for a break. I figure if he shows up and we aren't there then he can wait us on for a bit. Ahhh, there he is driving down the street towards us, gives a little wave. I don't wave back, he knows he's in trouble. I'm peeved and have a few words as I get in. Afterwards, he's says it was like seeing that little Bugs Bunny cartoon bull -- turning red, snorting, stamping it's foot. He's so good to me -- he says how he really wasn't all that long and didn't linger at the park or something similar like we imagined -- only doing what he said he'd do. As we continue on our errands, he makes little jokes, proffers little loving touches, pokes mild fun at the situation and even gives a peace offering (he'll drive tonight as we are going out to dinner with friends). Slowly my anger dissipates and my mood lifts. He knows me so well -- accepts the Hungarian hot-bloodedness that peeks out sometimes and sweeps it away with his smile and humor and love. I am so lucky.

It's late afternoon and we are outside in the backyard. All day I have had a vision of the self-portrait I want for today but I need DH to take it. I'm nervous as I am not that great in front of the camera. I'm nervous as DH is not all that great behind the camera. I gather the girls and start giving commands to DH and the girls -- things like "take lots pics", "don't worry if we aren't all looking at the camera", "come in close you tend to be too far away". I can tell our positioning is not all that great for the picture in my mind but it is hard with a 2yo and a 6yo. I review his work and am disappointed, I don't see my picture in there. We try again, this time a different set up -- not the picture in my mind anymore. I am more realistic now and just hoping for something decent, maybe even good. I review again and don't see what I am looking for....Oh well, we'll see what I can do with what we have. I start to even look forward to the challenge -- to being stretched by this experience yet again.

It is dinnertime now and we are out with our best friends and neighbors. They have a little girl, she is 6 too. We are at a little traditional German restaurant -- I have a big glass stein of fabulous beer and am looking forward to the arrival of my goulash. There's a Oom-Pah-Pah band playing songs -- the girls are dancing in their seats. This place is great -- wonderful atmosphere, good beer, good food, good times. The icing on the cake is being there with our good friends. How lucky we are to have another family we get along with so well -- and they live only a house away too! It's a rare treasure that makes me smile again and again and again.

It's late at night and everyone is asleep. I'm still up cruising the Internet, thinking about tomorrow, reflecting back on today. I love the life I have and I feel so fortunate to be living it that way I am, the way I want.

Twitterings: What a difference focusing on your daily life can make! I carried a little notebook with me all day and thought about what I did and what I thought as it happened. Did I really think all these things? Wow! I'm now a bit behind on the Challenge, but it was oh so worth the work!

Day 3

"Life is too short and too amazing to spend time worrying about imperfection" -- Ali Edwards

Imperfections, we all have them. I certainly can name several. I think my least favorite physical imperfection are my eyes -- with their squinty slant, mousy color, slowly multiplying wrinkles, always-there bags, and thinning eye lashes, both beautifully framed by my bushy unkempt coarse eyebrows. My least favorite non-physical imperfection is my tendency to interrupt people -- I know I do it, I try to contain it, I apologize.

The funny thing is that lately, I really like who I am -- the skin I'm in, the attitude that is me. I look back over my life and it seems that I've spent alot of time not really liking me -- what I wouldn't give now to have that 20 year old body and life undefined and ready to be conquered. Yet, at the time I know I was shy, not confident, not pretty, not daring. Maybe it's age and wisdom, maybe I've just finally come into my own. I met a belly dancer once who claimed she loved her poochy belly -- it represented her children and the effect that carrying them to term had on her body. I'm not quite there yet -- I can't truly say I love all my imperfections. But I do recognize that they are a part of me, that they make me who I am and while I'm sure I'll always strive to fix a few, I have better things to do, places to go, experiences to savor.

Day 2

"I´m gonna make a change,
For once in my life
It´s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right
I'm starting with the man in the mirror"

Micheal Jackson

SAVOR -- that's my word for 2008. Life seems to be happening so quick -- an endless list of To Dos. It seems like only yesterday my sweetest was a newborn and the youngest only a twinkle in daddy's eye.....I want to slow down, breath in the fresh air and delight in my life -- from kisses on chubby cheeks, quiet time with Dad, to pride in my art. Life races by -- savor the moment.

OVERWHELMED -- that's my word for today. Not very positive, not very uplifting, but real. I have so much To Do -- finances to organize, unfinished projects to complete, a house that is still largely undecorated (after 5 years!), a craft room that is a disaster area, it goes on and on. It's a weight on my shoulders, on my soul. I do my best to declutter, to purge, to organize, to simplify, to beautify -- but it comes hard, just not a part of my nature. But I keep plugging on, making my lists, crossing off some items while ignoring others altogether. I remind myself: "After all ... tomorrow is another day." --Scarlett


Twitterings: I'm fairly pleased with the picture, although I wish it wasn't so blurry, but it's the best I could get being hand-held with no flash. I used to love to look at the long column of MEs in the bathroom mirror as kid -- who on earth knows why??